Food. Food. Food. I like food, but, today I say goodbye to food. It is a sad farewell and a hard one at that. I had already made the decision to forgo eating and do supplemental nutrition to try to control my crohns, but these things take time and come Thursday when I stop by medication, I won't be taking anything for my Crohns.
So today I start the journey of not eating, on the path of hunger to try to help my Crohns. I will start by doing ensure and supplemental shakes for breakfast lunch and dinner, until my predigested enzymes arrive. Then I will do absorb plus until we can get enteral nutrition or TPN set up. Bottom line is, Today I say goodbye to food for an indefinite period of time.
This is hard farwell, because I kind of like food, a lot. I eat when I'm stressed, I eat when I'm happy and I eat when I'm with friends, but now I can't eat, so what am I going to do with myself? I have no idea. I can't exactly keep busy because I have no energy and I can't sleep the day away because I can't sleep, so I am going to have to figure out how to pass the time without food. Ever tried not eating? It sucks. It's basically taking a huge part of your life and removing it. Actually I'd compare it to a very painful break-up. You used to spend a lot of time with this person/food and now you are going to have no contact with them at all. The fact that I just compared food to a person should tell you how I really feel about it.
In the next few weeks if I look longly at your food, don't hold it against me, because this is extremely difficult to cope with and I'll need lots of support. Just like I would need support after a break-up (I'm comparing food to a boyfriend). So today and in the coming days, I need your support, as I say goodbye to food in my not so normal life.
This is me earlier this summer with an ng tube down my nose and a PICC line pumping TPN into my arm. At this point I hadn't eaten for 3 weeks and it was awful. I couldn't eat because I was obstructed and had to have a tube just to suck all the gastric juice and bile being secreted.
But here is my dilemma, my current medication isn't working so next stop is either tacrolimus (a transplant patient drug) or TPN. Total parenteral nutrition would mean no eating for an indefinite period of time. Rough. Crazy. Hard. Impossible? Would this be impossible, to knowingly deprive myself of the enjoyment of eating and instead receive all my nutrition via my PICC line? Well nothing is impossible, but if you were going to pick something that was as close to impossible as you can get, not eating would be it.
The reason I would do TPN is because I know it would help. With the TPN I would have more energy and not feel nearly as Ill, I may even be able to things I enjoy and have a social life. So is not eating worth the benefits it would provide? I don't know, but if that is what we decide to try next for my Crohns, I am going to conquer the impossible and forgo food. As awful as this sounds, I may find that it makes my life a million times better and better is something I would like right now in my not so normal life.
I've got 8 scars and am missing two feet of intestines and my life isn't normal, but whose life is normal? I want to use my experiences to help you, even if it means sharing embarrassing experiences. I am also looking to break the stigmas associated with IBD in order to make living with IBD just a little bit easier. Hope you enjoy!
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